Mrs Claus is coming to town

Santa and “Mrs Claus”

To the Pentagon shopping centre in Chatham for the latest gig on the whistle stop grotto tour. The children at the Pentagon are asked to believe that Santa has a wife, presumably in the interests of gender balance. None of the kids that Tim spoke to while trying to persuade them to buy his new single seemed convinced. “She’s a lady wot Santa hangs out wiv” was the commonest reply, while one little girl thought “she’s a bit young for him, he must be at least a thousand years old and she’s about thirty.” Mrs Claus could not be reached for comment, offering only a regal wave and a mime of putting her fingers in her ears as Tim ploughed on through his Phil Spector-based seasonal selection.