Skip to content
January 27, 2022 / starstarstarstar

New track “Killing”

Following a few years’ layoff for tax purposes, Tim returned to recording new music in 2020 (see for the fruits of his labours). Recorded and produced over Christmas 2021, new song Killing ventures into a more dramatic orchestrated sound and is already under consideration for the next James Bond film – all Tim has to do is convince the producers to use his song title as the title of the movie. Is the song about the plight of the planet, or just another whinge about one of Tim’s many “suffocating” relationships? He refuses to say, although given his recent tax problems one suspects that the true answer may lie in his difficulties with HMRC and their insistence that osteopath appointments do not count as an allowable business expense.

June 26, 2015 / starstarstarstar

Information single released!

imageWe are proud to announce the release of Tim Bick’s Information, the third in his series of faux 45s which are two track releases the way nature intended, only without the benefit of vinyl.

The A side mashes up the Zombies and early Pretenders for an energetic pop kick of suspicion and paranoia, while the B side Heart Attack adopts a lazier feel with a dash of blues for its modern take on the woman-done-left-me lyrical trope. It’s available via all the usual online outlets as well as Tim’s Bandcamp site at

December 19, 2014 / starstarstarstar

Mrs Claus is coming to town

Santa and "Mrs Claus"

Santa and “Mrs Claus”

To the Pentagon shopping centre in Chatham for the latest gig on the whistle stop grotto tour. The children at the Pentagon are asked to believe that Santa has a wife, presumably in the interests of gender balance. None of the kids that Tim spoke to while trying to persuade them to buy his new single seemed convinced. “She’s a lady wot Santa hangs out wiv” was the commonest reply, while one little girl thought “she’s a bit young for him, he must be at least a thousand years old and she’s about thirty.” Mrs Claus could not be reached for comment, offering only a regal wave and a mime of putting her fingers in her ears as Tim ploughed on through his Phil Spector-based seasonal selection.

December 14, 2014 / starstarstarstar

Second single of the year

imageToday marks the release of Ariège, a twin-tracker with a song called Slang to keep the lead song company and stop it pining for an album. In a deliberately convoluted and perverse plan, the download and CD are available now, with the 7″ to follow later. The cheapest outlet is but you can get it pretty much everywhere else including The iTunes at

behind the dry-wit lyrics and quirky vocal approach is a well put together tune that boasts an unfussy and really likeably catchy main melody… a smart execution of a sound that’s retained its popularity from decade to decade.” Andy Leigh,

December 13, 2014 / starstarstarstar

And then Santa nodded off…

We’re prety sure it wasn’t Tim’s velvety and relaxing reading of Winter Wonderland that sent Santa to sleep on this latest tour stop-off at the Glades/intu shopping experience in Bromley. Santa had just had a hard day’s  sitting about, and was happy for Tim to take the reins and entertain the queues of exasperated parents and quizzical babies. Next stop: Portsmouth.

All Santas have to wear white gloves so that they don't get the children dirty.

All Santas have to wear white gloves so that they don’t get the children dirty.

December 7, 2014 / starstarstarstar

Christmas tour underway

Santa's "ice castle"

Santa’s “ice castle”

Tim’s tour of Santa’s grottoes, timed to coincide with this week’s release of the Ariège single, kicked off on Saturday at the Whitgift Centre in Croydon, where Santa sits inside an ice castle awaiting the tiny tots.

Performing Phil Spector’s Christmas Album in its entirety, Tim was given a surprisingly warm reception given the icy environs, and only one under-five burst into tears. That was probably the emotion brought on by Tim’s heart-rending reading of Frosty The Snowman.

August 2, 2014 / starstarstarstar

Ariège video available for your eyes

Ahead of the single release on December 14th, the video for Ariège is now out in the pretend world of the Internet. Filmed in Brighton in a secret location, the original concept revolved around a grand piano that Tim had to fight his way out of, but sadly the rental of said instrument proved to be beyond the budget by the time visualiser Jason Hook had bought his sandwiches. Please enjoy this video responsibly and on no account attempt any of the stunts contained therein, or you might give yourself a nasty paper cut.

June 13, 2014 / starstarstarstar

Tim Bick’s latest extravagant photoshoot

On the couchA shoot for the forthcoming single “Ariège” with ace photographer (he prefers the term ‘visualiser’) Jason Hook, ably hindered by his glamorous assistant David Oddfellow (here playing the role of psychiatrist) from swoony soundscape purveyors Oddfellow’s Casino. They have a new album out pretty much right now called The Water Between Us, but since they have unwisely chosen not to be represented by **** Artistes there will be no promotion of that on this site. Although more information can doubtless be found at

As ever, little expense was spared for this session with the investment of £1.13 in a box of tissues. A video for the single is also in the works, with prop handlers still trying to fulfil Jason’s demands for a flotation tank and twenty six naked models.

May 27, 2014 / starstarstarstar

Tim Bick enters the political fray

As a prior student of mathematics, Tim has spotted that 66.8% of the UK electorate failed to vote at all in the recent European election. This has inspired him to start his own political party, named ‘Apathy’, whose winning strategy will be to appeal to everybody who doesn’t want to vote. Tim explained:

“A vote for Apathy will mean exactly what it says, so it will be just as if you hadn’t voted at all. My party makes a solemn promise to have no policies whatsoever, thapathy rosetteereby guaranteeing that there is nothing that a voter could find objectionable. We will give a voice to the disenfranchised majority who dislike politics and politicians, by allowing them to send a real message to Westminster without having to resort to voting for morally suspect nutters who want to reintroduce indentured servitude or make sausages compulsory for breakfast. Of course, I am a musician and not a politician so I am untainted by the grubby wheeler dealing of Farage, Cameron et al. Having looked at the turnout for last week’s election it seems clear that by being the most attractive to non-voters we will instantly become the majority party.”

Tim’s manager and election agent Shel Valentine added: “If UKIP have produced a political earthquake then Apathy will create nothing short of a Mount Vesuvius, though hopefully without the many deaths that could imply.”

Interested parties can apply for membership of Apathy at

March 2, 2014 / starstarstarstar

Single of the year?

Star single cover
We are pleased to announce the release of Tim Bick’s first single for **** artistes. It’s called Star and is already attracting the attention of the world’s media. Fox News’ Bill O’Reilly called it “an affront to human decency”, while according to television insiders, former BBC Radio DJ and host of Channel 4’s ‘Deal Or No Deal’ Noel Edmonds is busy pitching a new game show loosely based on the song, in which celebrities vie to be the first to be voted off the programme by indulging in the most prima donna-ish and least tasteful behaviour they can muster.

Since Tim’s work is truly unclassifiable, we have had to coin a new term for it: foam wave. We think of it as music you can bounce on the sofa cushions to, whether you’re standing, sitting or even lying down. Can you bounce on the furniture to Lorde’s ‘Royals’? No, you can’t. That ain’t foam wave.

Star is available on iTunes and all other digital stores, and can be streamed and purchased in both digital and physical formats from Bandcamp here: